Rhoad Tardland

Yeah. Oh yeah. How was my birthday? It's still sinking in. Being that I'm in the middle of such a big transition - people are like 'Wow, 30, how was it? It's supposed to be a big one - a big party!' Is it? Was it? There is a sense of relief that it has come and gone. A quaint NYC dinner in the East Village, at a Peruvian place, with some close girfriends. Wine. Some people coming and going. Met a babe who totally was my type and then let him go to catch up with the girls without exchanging numbers. Tall, Latin, Hip Hop Gentleman - mature, classy.
We were walking arm and arm, me singing, him on rhythm control, when I unleashed his arm and ran ahead to catch up with the girls. I keep telling myself that it was the little voice inside me that I listened to "It's a girls night, start experimenting with letting go at random - releasing." Of course, I woke up the next morning being like I think that dealing with that feeling is all part of the process - I need more peace and patience - because everything always works out with wonders in every aspect. I imagine that it's part of my lesson, to learn how to really allow things to fall in to place. I mean, I have only been here a month! And I have been in such a rush to make it all happen. If only I would just get out of my own way - which I am beginning to do. Trusting that all those things that are out of my control will be brought into order by a hand that can be perhaps more graceful than my own. It doesn't mean I'm sitting at my window waiting for lightening to strike - it means I do what I can, and allow the current of my desires to create the nature and force of the current of the river that I am in. So, the birthday is a process. It's much nicer to think of it as such - a new year, a time of gradual change mixed with sudden insights and rapid unleashing of that which has kept the self locked, stuck or rigid in an unfortunate cycle repetition. I am supposing that if I want things to be different, then I cannot be afraid to change, to do things differently, or see things in a different way.